I worked very hard at the job I do, sometimes I feel like I do more of a job than I need to.  For three years I have done this one this past week I asked for a personal day Monday, so I could have more time to myself and get ready and came Friday I was so stressed I decided to take a sick day that day.  Everyone who has worked with me knows that I’m am always there first and last, and usually help everyone else get through the day.  despite my own fatigue, I blame my father for that.  I enjoyed the long weekend until tonight I get a call and a text from two close friends from work asking if I had gotten fired.  I laughed my butt off seeing how they were concerned enough to actually come in contact with me.  after I told them I wasn’t fired one of them text me this

“I’m glad, you are too hard of a worker and too nice of a person to lose.”

It was funny because I always complained about the work and always consider myself an asshole. Reading that brought a tear to my eye for the first time.  In the three years, I have been working there I never felt truly valued until now.


Meow Mix, Meow Missed

Coco Smith

My family pet cat

Born January 1, 2000

Died October 9, 2017

My cat was 17 years old, about to be 18. but she will never see it. She was sick for awhile but it didn’t get really bad til about a couple of days ago. She also had trouble eating so we kept changing her food hoping to find a suitable solution. But Saturday she stopped eating altogether, my mom had a wonderful idea of giving her tuna. It worked, she was eating the tuna, but it was short lived as we tried to give it to her again and she refused it. Then we notice that she kept hanging outside the bathrooms and remembered that she used to lick out the toilets. We thought that maybe she was thirsty so we brought her some water. So was the mission to feed her and give her water.

Sunday, was the quietest day ever, the cat wasn’t meowing, she was just weakly walking around. My parents had gone to church but I stayed at home for a personal reason. I open my door to find the cat sitting outside of it. She never did this, never, and because whenever she was outside the door, she would meow loudly enough to wake the dead. So I did what I need to do and went back to my room to find the cat still sitting there. I invited her in, and I watched as she slowly got up and weakly walk over to my bed to her usual jump spot. But she didn’t jump, I waited a bit before helping her up to my bed. Now she loved to sit and lay on my bed because I always kept a fluffy blanket over on top of my sheets. She would knead on it for thirty minutes to an hour before she would finally sit down, she didn’t this time. She just found a spot that was closet to me and there she stayed. I got up and went somewhere, and when I came back she would still be sitting there. She sat with me all day and most of the night

That night I went into the front room with the family to watch the next episode of the Discovery, but whenever I got a chance I would peer back into my room to see if she was there and she was. At one point she made her way into the front room where dad proceeds to pick her up and play with her. I notice that she took more care to not jump down on the floor hard. It was then I noticed that it must be too much for her to jump now. Even her walk was unsteady. we tried to feed her again but she refused, but she did drink some water. Everyone was worried about how we had to help her out so for the first time we set her pet bed in the hall in between our two rooms and laid some food and water near her we kept our rooms open in case she wanted to come in. Everyone went to bed but I was still up. Around four a.m., I heard a noise. I quickly looked out to find that she was gone. I looked in my bathroom to find that she was there looking at my toilet. It was then I realized that she tried to jump up on the toilet so I went back out to bring her some water. in which she did drink. but afterward, she didn’t move, she just sat on the carpet. I thought since my parents would be up in a couple hours that she would be fine until then. So I decided to get some sleep

I wake to find that nothing has changed, and my mom was returning home because she broke down at work. I also proceeded to call out of work because I didn’t really want to go without seeing her get better. Little did I know that that would be the last I see of her. I saw that dad had the pet carrier out, it was open but the cat had willing went inside on her own accord and not because she was pushed in. We took her to the vet to be checked out, but when it was time to let her out she didn’t want to leave. I had to pull her out the pet carrier. They examined her and did blood work, and what they found was not good. He told us of several things we could try to save her one of them is hospitalization, the other was to put her down. I knew that it, she would die soon, but I didn’t want to let her go, I wanted to see the price of her being hospitalized. It wasn’t until I saw the price when I realized I couldn’t save her. She was already in pain, and it would be easy for her to be let go of. I knew it but I didn’t want to.

I will never forget her reaction, she knew what was going on and was struggling, it wasn’t until I place my head against her that made her relax a little. They finally began to inject her with the solution. Right before she lost strength she practically forced her head against my arms. I couldn’t help but feel hurt, I felt that I had betrayed her. I couldn’t help but cry as I just lost the cat I had all my life. I grew up with her, played with her, heck she was like a furry sibling. Now she was gone.

We came home, already missing the cat. I went straight to my room, only came out long enough to grab something to eat before heading back. I had to leave for my night job soon and I didn’t feel like being bothered. When I came back my dad gave me a necklace of Coco’s tags. One that I’ll probably never take off for a long time. I cried to sleep that night.

The next morning was the just as bad as the day before, as I woke up to start my daily routine. I was looking for the cat but quickly realized she was gone, the pet bed, scratching post, and all her toys were already tossed out. But I stare at the places where they used to be as if they were still there, I remembered when that cat was using both of them. There was this place on the couch that I would find her every morning when I wake up, I could see he now sleeping. She would wake up the moment I laid next to her, but after I rubbed her she would go back to sleep and we would just lay there until I have to go to my day job. I laid in the usual spot staring at where she used to sleep, and I couldn’t help but cry again. I cried more for the cat than anything else in my life. After I left I left decided that it was too much for me to be in the living room because the cat was mostly always seen there. She was sleeping playing or just walking around mostly in that room. Every room in the house I could see her doing something.

In the Kitchen sitting around the corner waiting for her food or walking between us about to be stepped on. In the dining room sleeping on the chair or getting on top of the table even though she knew she wasn’t supposed to. In the garage where she sitting on the workbench near the window warming up or eating her food, sometimes she would hide in there. She would be in my parent’s room opening drawers to pull out my mom’s clothes or drinking out their toilet. In the office, I remember we had a desktop computer in there and she would climb on top of it to go to sleep only to fall off onto the keyboard. Whenever we tried to use that computer, whether she was asleep or awake she has her tail in the middle of the screen in the way. She would also walk in between you and the screen to draw attention to her, a habit that carried on when we got laptops, worsened when she would step on the keyboards on purpose.

She was also in my room. When I was little I had numerous toys, the ones I played with the most were legos, transformers, army men, and hot wheels. Coco would come in a walk around me and my toys. I would have everything a certain way and she would walk around it, only to use her tail to brush against it, knocking them over. But I didn’t care. As I got older my focus shift from toys, to computer games, video games, anime, and writing. (And yes in that order of what I picked up). No matter what I became interested in that cat was there, she watched a couple of anime with me, and watch me play my games. I found it really funny how a cat was interested in such things. Or maybe it was because of how it looked on the screen. She would cuddle next to me while I play my games, even if it was late I would let her her sleep for as long as I can before I had to get to sleep myself.

She was 17 (87) about to be 18 (88)

I’m 21 about to be 22

If I ever had a sibling living with me, it would be Coco

I only hope that she is in a better place because I sure do miss her here.

Unneeded strength

You go through life encounter hardship and sadness. Some get emotional, some are indifferent, some could care less, while others put on a brave face. That’s me, I put on a brave face and say bring it on. I was always alone everywhere I went, so I never had that person to lean on. I always had my parents but never anyone my age I could really depend on. I was always the pillar that held everyone up, the shoulder to cry on, the ear for their problems, and their counselor when they needed advice. One person in my family I could identify as being that was my grandma (My father’s mother). Just a couple weeks ago she dies. During the time I was surprised that someone like her has died. I didn’t know her as well as I probably could of but I had lots of fond memories of her. I grew up believing that she would the one grandma that be around to see my family. But as it happens life had other plans.
My dad was broken my mother was in tears, the extended family letting out the worst in them because they felt pained. I could do nothing but feel nothing, I acted like I normally would keep myself from breaking and to strengthen others. On the day of the funeral, I still kept my face. I figured that there were enough tears being shed, I don’t need to add mine. I remembered during the time before service started the had had friends of the family give their condolences. I went through the motions as they said ‘I’m sorry for your loss’ but a couple of them took the time and asked me if I was ok. I told them all that I was fine, but three of them surprised me when they told me I wasn’t. I was confused when they said that but dismissed it til later. Then the songs played and everyone started singing, to be honest, I cared for neither. But somewhere along the line, I started having memory flashes of the time I had with her. The time we visited her house, the times we spent the holidays, the time I was a kid around her, even when we went out to eat. It all hit me with the emotions I felt at the time, and I started crying.
I haven’t cried about anything for years, the last time I probably cried was back in high school. It was then I realized that I was hurting more than I thought I was, and they recognized the pain I was. It goes to show that no matter how much strength you show, you will always have a time of weakness. It never a bad thing to let show to feel release.

Character Developement: Side characters or main character?

If you have read my fanfiction story Terran, then you will notice that it was intended to have two main romances, Asajj Ventress and Shaak Ti.  But as the story continues I find that my side character has become more of the fan favorite.  Celene, Elyn, even Jaina have all been requested to be romanced instead.  I first notice this when I first killed off the first side character, Celene. Boy everyone was hot that I did that, I got a lot of angry reviews and even more angry PMs because I did that.

So now I find myself at a Delima, I want to continue the romance I had intended, but I also wanted to explore the other romance option.  I’m just going to have to do them in a second Terran.  Yes, I am planning another one.  I have been planning one since chapter six but you know, I had to plan in proper


“Be not afraid of greatness.
Some are born great.
Some achieve greatness.
And others have greatness thrust upon them.” Shakespeare

More than anything we like the sense of achievement. But how often do we see it in ourselves and not realize it?

“Some are born great.”

These are the people you know will do great things since the day they were born…said every mother who has ever given birth. But how often is this true, I think the best person to describe this is none other than Jesus. The reason I said that is that he was born on the run, his parents had to hide because the king was out to kill all children under two in fear of him. He was born in the small town of Bethlehem. Not only did the shepherds, who were nearby came, to pay their respects, but three wise men from the eastern country came. The wise men said they were following a star that symbolized the birth of a new king, and when they found him they knelt as they presented gifts to him.

Jesus grew not only to have a legion of followers, he was the start of a religion we come to know as Christianity.

“Some achieve greatness.”

Ok, you know Woodrow Wilson right? He is only the 28th president of the United States, no big deal right. But did you know he had a learning disability called dyslexia? To keep you from having to look it up it is, “A general term for disorders that involve difficulty in learning to read or interpret words, letters, and other symbols, but that do not affect general intelligence.” He did not let this stop him as he became a professor at Princeton University, an author of a popularly acclaimed book on George Washington, the governor of New Jersey, and the 28th President of the United States.

One of his famous quotes was, “The only use of an obstacle is to be overcome. All that an obstacle does with brave men is, not to frighten them, but to challenge them.”

“And others have greatness thrust upon them.”

Samuel Adams, one of America’s founding fathers. A upper-class man going through school, his family was religious but he wanted to follow the path of politics. The influence of his religious uprising was felt in every decision that he took as a politician, he was known as a religious man and was later called “the last of the Puritans”. Because of his upbringing, he learned about state affairs, which drove him to resent the British rule. After his family was almost brought to ruin, he had to fight to keep what his family had left, deepening his resentment to the British. From here, he made aggressive attacks on british policies.

Little did he know the more he resisted the taller her stood above the rest. After a series of follow-up events, and a month after the battle of lexington and Concord, he participated in the continetal congress meeting. On the second meeting, the Congress members wrote and signed the Declaration of Independence, and Samuel Adams personally drafted the Articles of Confederation, securing him as one of the nation’s founding fathers.


So don’t be in a hurry to do something great, you may already be doing it.


“Show me a hero, and I’ll write you a tragedy.” ~F. Scott Fitzgerald

We often wonder why we see others standing taller than the rest.   We see him gathering people around him who would otherwise not give each other the time of day.  At the end of the day he just being himself, there is no grand speech, no rallying cry, no common goal, but his very presence is what people come to follow.  But what makes them great is not because of the deeds they done, even though that’s part of popular belief; but it is in fact what their views are, and the tragedies that they had, have or having now that makes them who they are.  Their ability to endure and move forward is what draws others to do the same.  Next time you have a chance to, meet someone you adore as a hero, or someone you regard highly of, ask them their story.  Ask them what they been through that made them who they are.

Quote 2

“I could give you over forty thousand reasons why I know that sun isn’t real. I know it because the emitter’s Rayleigh Effect is disproportionate to its suggested size. I know it because its stellar cycle is more symmetrical than that of an actual star. But for all that, I’ll never actually know if it looks real. If it feels real.
Before this is over, promise me you’ll figure out which one of us is the machine.”

Cortana to Master Cheif,  Halo 4

How many time do we find ourself acting like a machine?  We speak, move, and react in a certain way all the time that it feels normal.  But how much of it is normal, and how much of it is going by a preset.  I want to believe that we are capable of feeling what is around us instead of just seeing it as another scenery.  But what if that isn’t the case, what if you are anti-social, broken, or careless about what’s around you.  Is it because, of what has happened to you in the past, maybe you have no hope in the future.

I personally am anti-social.  Not because i dont like to talk to others or interact with them, but because of all the pain I had to endure.  I was bullied, betrayed, and heartbroken too many time in the twenty-one year I have been alive.  But I had hope that it would get better, so I put on a smile and looked forward to the next day.  But the more it happen the more it felt like I was on autopilot.  Now, I am twenty one and I let all my feelings spill out, it hurts everytime I put on a fake smile.  Everytime I tried to get close to someone I keep my heart closed and lock, so when I get rejected I don’t feel anything.

How many times do you have to lose something before you finnaly break and shutdown.  How many times did you have to endure and put on a fake smile for the sake of everyone around you.  After a while you would reach your breaking point, just like Master Chief in Halo 4.  After you lost that one thing that held you together for so long, you become broken.  Often times when that happen, you are left alone to suffer because you were always a symbol of strenght to others; When in reality, it was you who need support.

Something to think about.

See you next time.


“After time adrift among open stars, through tides of light and shoals of dust, I will return to where I began.”  Tali’Zorah vas Normandy

Quote 1

You know when you have those days where you think about something that would make a good quote for others, well I had one. So I’m not only going to post this quote but several others that I think we could use. My original quote, as far as I know it, hasn’t been quoted, but if it has then you can still use it.

So a child asked his father. “Dad, I can’t seem to find what I’m looking for, can you help me?” “Really? have you really tried looking?” He asked. “I have but all I have found are too small to be of use.” The child explained. “But son, you have what you need already.” “I don’t understand.” The son says as he looks at his father full of question. “Let ask you this, do you know what a puzzle is.” He asked his son. “Yes, it involves several small pieces connecting together to create a large picture.” The son answered. “Well what you want is like a puzzle, it requires several pieces to be completed. The grander the object you want, the more pieces are required; and just like a puzzle, you need to connect what’s familiar to complete the whole.” The father explained. “So even these small pieces can help me?” “Yes.” “Thank you, dad, I will look harder.”

Don’t be upset that you didn’t get all that you wanted. Just look at what you do have, for it will show you hints of the what the whole looks like. Because it will often be more amazing than what you originally wanted.

First Story: Terran

For years I have been an avid reader of fanfiction.  I would spend my hours, whether day or night, reading stories because they were too adicting to put down.  It was so easy to get lost in the stories that I tended to lose track of time.  So one day I thought I would start a story just to see how  I would do.  But the problem was, what to write about.  Fanfiction is what I would call a multi-story based site, because all of the stories are based on games, anime, movies, and comics.  You name it, it got it.  So first I had to pick a story that I know backwards and frowards.  I narrowed it down…to a couple dozen.  The next thing would be to write something I would really love to write about.  The story line that came to mind was my all time favorite- Mass Effect.  I wanted to do so many different scenarios, and  make certain events happen that was impossible in the game.

But then I was faced with another problem, how good were my writing skills?  A story requires a plot, goals, a protagonist and an antagonist.  Maybe add some romance, a plot twist, gore or horror, and a good cliffhanger.  There are hundreds of ways I could write the story.  Also another problem was if I did try to do an add on,  would I excute it properly?  Will I make it too detailed or not detailed enough?  There were many problems that I couldn’t account for so I came up with an idea of doing a test run.

I needed an open plot story where there are enough holes to make a free thinking writing, but closed enough to where I can follow a guideline if I needed to.  I thought why not Star Wars.  Most know about the Star Wars movies and if you are a kid or have kids then you probably have seen the animated version as well.  Star wars has a lot of open holes, the movies basically follow the Skywalker family while the series talked about the Clone Wars.  So i could do a fanfiction on them, but then I took it a step further and decide to make the story a self insert.

I decided to put it to paper to show what I would do…in theory.  Now mind you I was doing this to find out where my writing skills were, so I was going to pull out as many stops as I could while sticking to the story.  Which would include but not be limited too, action, adventure, romance, erotica, suspense, and gore.

It has been almost a year now, and so far I have learned two things.  One is that I could probably write a book and make some money off of it.  Barring that I fix my grammar .  In addition, you never kill off a favorite character, everyone goes ballistic about that.

That’s it then, how the creation of Terran took place….like it’s an actual book.   Anyway, if you ever have the urge to read my stories just look me up on fanfiction.


~After time adrift among open stars, through tides of light and shoals of dust, I will return to where I began.”  Tali’Zorah vas Normandy-Mass Effect 2


The Unexpected Find
Hey, my name Devin Smith. I am your average Twenty-year-old, in college, have a good job, the usual. Love games and movies, and usually do more than my share of both. But seriously let’s admit it, life gets boring after a while, just going day by day. So I thought I might go off and take a long walk, not really paying attention to where I was going. Then I thought, hey let’s go into some random forest, just because I feel like doing something stupid. It started to get late and so I started to head back, but I caught a glimmer out the corner of my eye. I went over to where it was, and it looks to be a ship sitting nearby a small lake, I dare say it look like a Jedi ship from Star Wars. It was all covered in mud and worn looking, but otherwise, in working order, I am wondering why it was abandoned. I climbed up to the cockpit to find a skeleton of what I assumed to be the pilot.
I thought it wasn’t right for me to leave the poor guy like this so I pulled the pile of bones out, and started to dig a hole. Let me tell you digging a hole to bury a long dead guy in the middle of a forest is no fun at all, especially when it was getting dark out. After I finally dug the hole I put the pilot in and covered it up, using stones to mark the grave. After it’s all said and done I am now left with a ship that probably doesn’t fly. In any case, I didn’t have the proper equipment with me to clean it. So, I went home for the day. Luckily it was the start of my three-day vacation. I got all my things together, I got my camping bags ready, my brand-new survival gear, complete with a hunting knife, bow and arrows, and a generous supply of food for three days because I love to eat. I even brought my sword so I can continue to practice it, so when I do use it in a fight I won’t chop my own leg off. After everything was packed and ready I put them in my car and headed back inside to take a quick nap.
Afterward, I grabbed my food and made my way back to the ship. Granted it took a little longer to get there considering I had to remember where I entered the night before. Eventually, I found my entry point and quickly found the ship, this time I had my cleaning supplies so I could properly clean the ship. Lucky for me the dirt slid off with little to no resistance. Got to hand it to the engineer who built this. After it was all clean it showed a deep forest green color with a subtle white stripe alongside its wings. “What a beauty,” I said out loud. I climbed in to see if still operational, and when I pressed a small button a vid screen came up displaying a mission log.

Mission lo…twenty. I have… fully made a hyper … ace jump……. now I…………see how far……can go without breaking down. May the force………
The logs not but it looks like this ship was a prototype of some sort. I listen to a more recent one.

…I’m hit……ustain critical damage…nav computer …. offline…. they…. not find…. I must do a blind jump… can hide…. Terra.
“Terra? That can’t be, can it?” The mere implications of it were both exciting and frightening. “Why here though?” I started to check around the ship to see if I could find any other clues. Interestingly enough I found a cargo space behind the seat, so I decided to try to put all my stuff in there to see how much it could hold, and what do you know, it all fit. I replaced the seat and tried another button. I believe I found the power button because everything started to light up like a Christmas tree. Next thing I know the ship started to power up and take off. “Uh Oh, not good!” the hatch closed me inside and took off into space on Autopilot. In what seemed like only minutes later I am passed by what looked like Saturn. I then started to notice that the ship was powering up for something, and I didn’t have to wait long to find out why as the ship went into hyperspace. I was thrown to the back of my seat unable to move. After about thirty minutes I was able judgment. I got a good look at the hyperspace effect, it was really a wondrous site, and I was enjoying the experience of it all, considering I still had no control.
Suddenly, I dropped out of hyperspace, which dramatically tossed me forward. Though I didn’t hit my head, it was hurting badly. It looked like I was heading towards some type of planet, so I looked for a navigation computer and tried to make out where I was heading. The computer displayed symbols only, but for some reason or another I could read it, it said I was headed towards Togoria. I was flying by a huge ship, then suddenly, I heard loud noises. I guess this ship does have a communication system, but the language was alien and I didn’t understand it. Then I realized that the planet was getting closer, fast. I tried to get the ship to turn or at the very least slowdown. I was able to level it out but crashing would be inevitable. I tried looking around and off to my right I saw a huge city. I angled the ship just enough to put me in the direction of the city but I was not able to level off quickly enough before I crashed, hard. I blacked out.
I woke up, my whole body was heavy and sore but I’m alive. Then I thought; alive in an alien ship, with alien tech, that flew me to an alien planet with slow down alien jungle plants, with a chance of running to alien species that may want to kill me. Sounds too much like Predators, let’s just hope the ending is better for me. I grabbed my stuff from behind the seat and started to toss them out the ship, except for the more delicate equipment. Now that I got a good look at my ship, it held up pretty well, but without repairs, it won’t be flying again, and I have no idea how to fix an alien spacecraft. I sat down on a rock nearby and grabbed an apple from my food bag, and begin to take inventory of what I got. I have plenty of food that if rationed out properly, it could last me about two weeks. I also had a fire starter kit, which will no doubt be useful. I had a Bow with about forty arrows and a knife. All things considered, it could be worse, I got supplies, a means to survive, and a destination. Before I start making my trek through the jungle I thought it best to eat all the food that would spoil quickly. As I was started to grab some food, I heard a twig crack. I quickly grabbed my bow and an arrow and aimed at the direction it came from. “Perfect, just perfect. I hope it the locals that are watching me and not some predator.” I packed up everything, attached my sword to my belt. I have my food and survivor gear over one shoulder and my quivers over the other shoulder. With my bow and an arrow ready I make my trek through the forest in the direction of the city.
~thirty minutes ago~
Clyde POV
Hey, the name is Clyde. I the military advisor to my village leader, Terun. He had received word that a Jedi Ship has come out of hyperspace and was moving towards the planet. There was no response from the ship. It didn’t take long for us to see the ship coming in, looks like it was heading toward Caross. It didn’t take long before we heard it crash. I was given the order to take a team and investigate the intruder and report anything I find. I took five men with and we got to our Mosgoth looking for the crash vessel. We found and landed a good distance away from the vessel. I told everyone to spread out and encircle the ship, me and two others took to the trees while the three remaining spread out on the ground, hiding behind bushes and trees, and not a moment too soon the cockpit opened up. We see a human coming out. He starts tossing his bags out, and we got a good look at his weapon. After looking at it, it looks easy enough to deal with, but one of my guys on the ground clumsily step on a twig. The Human smoothly and quickly aims an arrow in the direction of my guy. I had to signal my man to hold position to keep them from giving away our position. Eventually, he lowered his guard and continued to eat. He eventually packed up and begin making his trek into the forest, at the rate he’s going arrive at the city in four days. After he left the area I contacted my leader, Cullen, about what I found and wanted our next orders. We are to follow him for today after he has rested, we will attack and see what he is made of.